The Real Last Post of 2009

Dear Giddy Misanthropes,

I lied. Here's the last post, although it's not much of a post as it is a story.

In keeping with the season, here it is.

-Matt

"The Other Brother" By Matt Mok

Nick had locked the barn again. Chris could hear the animals shuffling on the other side of the wall. Locked! Thousand of miles of frozen white tundra and the man locks the barn, he thought.

But the sleigh wasn't locked up. It was there, before his eyes, a brilliant red emanating from the new paint job. They had supposedly given it a tune up for the festivities, whatever that meant. Chris didn't know what went on in the workshop. He'd been banished, forbidden entrance ever since the pudding in the assembly line fiasco. Ever since, it was "Chris, don't come in," "Chris, don't touch that," "Chris, go away!" Well tonight, he had plans and he wasn't going anywhere except in that sleigh.

He gave snowflake a pat. The horse bowed her head and dug at the cold ground with her front hoofs. An animal was an animal, Chris thought. Snowflake could pull this sleigh, no problem. He even gave her one those fruity names Nick liked. This plan was foolproof.

A tingle tickled his hand when he touched the sleigh. He shook it off and fastened the horse to the sleigh. See, that was easy, he thought.

From the driver's seat, Chris took a deep breath and exhaled, taking a moment to survey his surroundings. It was a clear night, perfect for a first run. He shared his sentiments with snowflake, who exuded plain indifference.

He felt the tingle again when he took hold of the reins. No, not a tingle. A jolt, like an aura of static electricity that enveloped him. He could almost detect a hum in the air.

"That damn Nick," Chris fumed, "keeping this from me." A man his reputation, a goddamn saint no less, he thought, not sharing something as great as this with his own blood. His family! If the world only knew.

He steeled himself for what was about to happen. He'd seen it many times before, but not from his vantage point. He arced his arms dramatically skyward, yelled, "Let's go, Snowflake!" and snapped the reins.

A strong gust of wind blew. A few flurries fell.

And...

Nothing.

Snowflake snorted and gazed backwards, having no intentions of moving. Chris steeled himself again, and mimicking Nick, yelled, "Now, Snowflake!"

Snowflake took two steps and stopped to examine the mysteries of a patch of bare earth.

"You stupid horse," Chris cried. "Move!"

Nothing.

He pointed at the barn. "You know what they say abut you? They say you're nothing but a loser, good for nothing but glue. They say you couldn't pull a Radio Flyer toy wagon if your life depended on it. Is it true? Because right now I'd have to agree--"

The sled rose. Two inches. It wasn't much, but Chris definitely saw a couple inches of clearance below the sleigh's runners. Snowflake, however, remained firmly planted on the ground. She blinked lazily at him.

"Go!" he said. "You're basically pulling air now. Come on!" He snapped the reins.

The sleigh rose again, but this time it didn't stop at two inches. A foot, five feet, twenty. Chris grew apprehensive. "Okay, you can stop now," he said, but the horse was dangling helplessly below the sleigh, powerless to do anything. "Stop!"

It did, hanging there against a backdrop of clear starry night, fifty feet in the air. Chris watched as a portly ageless man with a frosty beard approach, a small figure whose footprints left a trail back to the house. Nick waved up at him.

"Hey bro," Chris called out with a laugh through cupped hands. "Beautiful night, isn't it?"

Last Post...of 2009

Dear Kinky Water Buffaloes,

I greet you from my mound of wrapped presents.

So what's new? Well, I couldn't help myself and when I bought a few children's books as gifts for some youngsters, and couldn't help adding one that I wanted even though I have a long queue of them waiting to be read. I picked up Boneshaker by Cherie Priest. It's a zombie steampunk novel, which can only lead to bouts of awesomeness.

Watched two movies recently: Funny People and Avatar.

Both were good, although Avatar was excellent. Funny People features Adam Sandler in a dramedy role, with significant focus on the drama. This isn't the first time he's done drama. He had a very good turn in Reign on Me, which was very good but a little maudlin for me. Avatar is what it is. It's a blockbuster. The world realized by James Cameron is lush and beautiful and more than makes up for the average plot. If you go, go see it in 3D.

Some other books I read lately: Salem's Lot, Rage, The Long Walk.

They're all Stephen King books (I'm on a roll with them and reading somewhat chronologically), the latter two under the Bachman pseudonym. Salem's Lot, which is fairly slowly developed story about a vampire infestation, was easily the best out of those three. I've noticed his books have a lot in common, mainly tragedy. The writing is great, but at the end of the stories, I am always disappointed because no one has a happy ending. I'm not saying EVERYONE should live happily ever after, but maybe just one person...just one. The two Bachman books were only so-so. The writing is still there, but the stories don't draw you in as much. In Rage, the ending didn't make sense, and The Long Walk just doesn't have much plot to it. They both felt more like short stories than novels.

All in all, I've really enjoyed King's writing lately even though it's not generally what I like to read, which is anything with a dose of humor. What IS up my alley is another book I'm reading currently called An Abundance of Katherines by John Green. It's pretty funny so far. It features a new HS graduate who, while on a road trip with his best friend, ponders his breakups with his last 19 girlfriends, all of whom are named Katherine. He's a prodigy of sorts and tries to express his analysis in the form of a mathematical equation. Along the way, they meet some interesting people. Sounds like a good formula (*wink*) for success. I'm almost done with it, so maybe I'll talk more about it next time.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, and stay out of trouble (but not too much).

Matt

What's My Name?

Dear Gyrating Lemurs,

So, the holiday season is upon us. I think I've done (pretty much) all of my Christmas shopping. I even bought a few books as gifts for some kiddies. Go literacy!

There's been something I've been thinking about recently: pen names.

From what I can tell, there are a few reasons someone might use a pen name.

1. You've put out a couple novels, and though you love them, are immensely proud of them, the buying public has not shared your enthusiasm. You reinvent, re-brand, yourself with a new name and hit the market again.

2. You've been pigeonholed into a particular market/genre, but you have so many other ideas outside your published area. You write under a new name so your base won't get confused and pick up your new comic fantasy novel expecting a historical murder mystery.

3. You're hiding your gender. J.K. Rowling comes to mind. Of course, now everyone knows she's a woman, but in the beginning, someone thought that a female writer writing about magic and boy wizards was less appealing on the bookshelf.

4. You don't like your name. You've always wanted to be called Winter Gangleberry. Or maybe there's already well known person who shares your name. Maybe your name is Paris Hilton--not THE Paris Hilton--and you want people to take your writing career seriously.

So this is what I'm wondering: In this modern age with Facebook, websites, and more author reading events than you can shake a stick at, is there any room for anonymity? Because that's what a pen name is predicated on--that no one will find out who you really are until you want them to know.

Coupled with the fact that I've heard publicity is pretty much required nowadays to produce a marketable author, how many of the above reasons still apply or are even feasible?

I suppose one argument for it is that some people shop only at bookstores, with no outside information. They only look at the book on the shelf. And if the book only has your pen name, a generic bio, and a teaser of the story, that's all they will use for their purchase decision.

But then again, how many people still do that? Even if it is an inexpensive purchase, I tend to check into a book before I buy it. My shelf space is diminishing after all. I don't need to buy a book I won't like and have it take up room.

This all, however, really are just ruminations on a subject that will affect me very little until I get a book published. Very much the cart before the horse.

But it does make me wonder.

-Matt

What's Going On?

Dear Sentimental Ligers,

We had some snow, finally, here in New Hampshire. It took a couple minutes for me to switch my brain over to winter-driving mode. Luckily, the roads aren't too bad.

Anyway! What news do I have to report? Not much, really, but I felt I should post something. Anything to get away from the absolute painful chore of thinking of Christmas gifts. I need a personal shopper. I'll give you money. Make all the purchase choices for me, thank you very much.

So I finished my first real life writing workshop just recently. I've been in an online workshop for a while now, but it's the first time I've participated in one face-to-face with honest to goodness breathing people. So, what's the verdict? Was it worth the money?

I say, yes.

Did it make me a better writer? Possibly, marginally. That is not to say I can't use improvement. I surely do. But that only comes from continual reading and writing. Practice makes perfect, or at least moderately average. I think writing workshops--at least ones that last only a few sessions--help improve individual pieces of writing through the feedback process, but the only way it could improve a writer's overall writing is if they are just starting. In my opinion, it is during those early times when a lot of the improvement comes, and benefits a very great deal to supportive feedback.

All things being said though, I really enjoyed the workshop. Not only were there some great members that I looked forward to sharing my stories with every other week, but the structure of a writing class really forces you to, well, WRITE. To often, when I'm left to my own devices, I will undoubtedly put a DVD on or play a video game or futz around on the internet for several hours. While this is generally entertaining, it is horribly unhelpful for the writing process. I am a born procrastinator. Having a structured class forced me to write during every class and gave me the push I needed to fine tune stories at home in preparation for the next class. I look forward to the next class, schedule permitting.

I thought I'd take some time discussing some of the books I've read recently too. Two of the better ones: How to Break a Terrorist and Breathers: A Zombie's Lament. How to Break a Terrorist is a non-fiction book written by Matthew Alexander (a pseudonym), who is an Air Force interrogator who with the help of a whole interrogation team in Iraq, was able to find and take out Zarqawi. The pacing of this story is impeccably and thrilling. Alexander weaves in his philosophy of modern interrogation techniques (empathy, understanding local cultures, etc.) with the action is wonderful. I forgot at times that I was not reading a novel. Alexander champions these new techniques with conviction. He believes that a good interrogator needs to leave all feelings at the door. He/she needs to enter the room a blank slate, an actor that confirms to whatever the detainee needs him/her to be. The trick is to manipulate them into thinking that they are giving information for their own benefit, whether it is for a good word with the judges or just to assuage some sense of guilt. I highly recommend this book.

As for Breathers. What can I say? This book has everything I love in a novel: comedy (dark at most times) and zombies (inherently dark) in a tight package. It is billed as a zomromcom, zombie romantic comedy. It's a real fun time and tells the story of a recently zombified young man who has become accustomed to his new zombie existence. He lives in his parents' basement and goes to a Zombies Anonymous group to cope with his new undeadness. The only gripe I had was the tone in which is ended, which felt incongruent to the rest of the story, but it was a fun ride nonetheless.

I'm currently reading Little Green Men, which I have been looking forward to for a while. It's one of the few Christopher Buckley books I've yet to read. I'm only a third of the way through, but it doesn't feel up to par with his other work. We'll see how it goes!

What else? Hmm. I've been reading some of Kathy Reichs's Temperance Brennan novels because I like the show Bones, but surprisingly, the books are nothing like the show. The only thing they share is the name of the protagonist, although the nickname Bones is no where to be found in the books. Regarding the books, they aren't the most well written of their genre, but they are an interesting distraction. If you like authors like Patricia Cornwell or Tess Gerritsen, you should give Reichs a try.

This post is turning into a much longer one than I had anticipated (and probably fraught with typos, but I'm not going to proofread. It's the rebel in me). But a few more reading tidbits:

I've come to appreciate Stephen King. I find he's mischaracterized as a horror writer. His work tends to be supernatural or paranormal, but there are only hints of horror in most of his stories. Recently, I've read Carrie and The Dead Zone, which were both wonderful. They're very well written, with a depth of tragedy that I didn't expect. Check them out.

Also, check out Suzanne Collins young adult series, The Hunger Games. Only the first two books are out (third and final one next year), but they are great reads. Kids thrown in a last man standing death match? Killer idea, bad pun intended.

Next on the reading list:
Darling Jim
An Abundance of Katherines

On the DVD/TV front, there are too many shows/movies that I've watched to really get into it. Netflix is my video God. For the moment, I've completely caught up with The Big Bang Theory, which is laugh and a half. If you enjoy watching geeks bumble through attempts at social interaction, check it out. I watch it for tips.

Also funny, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I enjoyed this movie because I'm not a big Monty Python fan (blasphemy to some, I know). I am still not a huge fan, but this movie left me in stitches many times, including one scene where King Arthur fights a black knight who steadfastly and stubbornly refuses to concede defeat even as his limbs are hacked off one by one (not as gruesome as you'd think). It does end rather strangely though, but definitely worth a watch.

Until next time,

Matt