Admitting That You're A Dreamer

Dear Pasty Centaurs,

Admitting you have a problem is generally regarded as the first step to recuperation.

To writers, I think admittance is the scary blind leap that we all take, or will have to take.

And what is there to admit? Well, that we're dreamers, that we write, and even though we enjoy it in itself, we hope for the day when it isn't just a hobby and we are published. And I don't mean published online or published in a journal, although both are still very significant accomplishments. I mean having a book that anyone can pick up at a book store or Amazon.

But really, sometimes the first step is to admit that we write at all. You see, even though the population of people that actually read seems to be a very select group, I suspect that many of them fiddle with the notion that they, too, can write a novel. They have ideas that stir them from a restless night. They look at publication industry, literary agent, and author blogs. They look at advice from others on business cards, writing synopses, writing queries, building websites, and building web social platforms. All this with one guarded thought in mind: that you could write a book.

But will you admit to anyone? Will you even admit that you write?

The fact of the matter is that not many people read, and even less write, so the thought of telling people that you write seems like a conversation ender.

Who cares? Why? Really, that's nice.

Some will show true interest, if only through the kindness of their hearts. And then will ask if it's a hobby you have had for a long time. I think most will say that yes, it is a hobby (myself included).

So why would I do that? Why would I say that it's only a hobby when the secret is that I hope that I am good enough (at least one day) to be published? How many of us wonder what it might be like to be able to derive our entire incomes from writing (extremely rare and difficult to manage when attained, I know)? But we'll say it's a hobby because it gets us off the hook.

We've already admitted that we write. Phew! Let's let it go at that.

I think if a writer claims that writing is just a hobby, that they harbor no secret desire for publication, I would wager just about anything that they're lying. 90% of them, at the very least.

If we claim to have higher aspirations, two possible reactions may occur (or that we're afraid will occur):

1. Your friend/relative/acquaintance/person sitting next to you on the subway will have a much higher regard for your writing talent for you do and ask if you've written anything that might have read. Failing that, have you written something that will be coming out soon? If the answer to either of those questions is no, then we're left feeling foolish and grasping for justification for your claim to the title, WRITER.

2. Your friend/relative/acquaintance/person sitting next to you on the subway will have no regard for your writing talent and think: Who cares? Why? Really, that's nice.

And then every time they ask you again about your writing, you will (most likely) tell them there's no news. Sure, you've written, workshopped, improved, but you're still unagented and not much closer to having your book on a shelf.

It really is a dream. Thousands of people try to write a novel and fail. The probability that you, an anonymous writer, will be published is astronomically small. Why?

Well, first you need a finished manuscript and it has to be good. It has to be the best work you've ever done. It has to be edited to the umpteenth degree. Any less is a waste of your time. This step in itself can take a LONG time because your first draft will suck. Your first edited and revised novel will not be your best.

Next, you learn to write a clear and efficient query letter after an exhaustive literary agent search. The agents will read the queries and say no thanks to most of them. If one of them asks for a partial, thank your lucky stars.

Okay, you've sent out full manuscripts for review. The chances of an agent then offering representation is even lower. If I had to guess, and this would be a very uninformed guess based on unofficial numbers, the chance of someone securing representation (with a VERY GOOD manuscript) would be 1%. And I'm sure that is an extremely generous number. It's probably a fraction of a fraction of that when you think of all the hopefuls out there.

After some strategy sessions and more revisions, I imagine the agent will try to sell your manuscript. I think, here, after all the vetting, your chances are becoming a little better of being published as long as you have partnered up with a reputable agent who has a good eye for talent and is a good judge of what's selling at the moment. Even then, it will be months, it not years, before it gets sold, then revised some more, then sold and marketed (the marketing will also be your job as well).

So, at least for me, this is what goes on in my head if someone finds out that I write, then starts asking follow up questions. Because if I tell them I want to write a book, it will be a year (if I'm extremely talented and lucky) before I can point to something in my hand and say, "Hey, I told you so."

This has been a rant (with numerous grammatical and spelling errors, no doubt) without any real resolution, I'm afraid. I guess my point is this: If you're not ready to admit to your dream to others, at least admit it yourself. Yes, you're insane, but so what?

-Matt