Broke and Super

Dear Salivating Salamanders,

Another one for your viewing pleasure.



"Mr. Extraordinary Needs a Job"

The failing economy is tough on everyone, even--as it turns out--superheroes. It's no problem for ones with trust funds who operate out of mansions, but your ordinary everyday super humans need money too. They need food. So, short of a super power for fasting or using their skills for ill-gotten money, even your most super of superheroes needs a job, and one that pays in cash, not public adulation. When practical skills are close to nil, the options become scarce.

It is for this reason that Wallace Fry now finds Captain Extraordinary sitting in his office interviewing for the utterly pedestrian position of security guard with Prime Security Associates. He is highly overqualified, but is behind on rent and they have good medical.

"So, Mr. Extraordinary," Fry says while perusing the resume, "why do you think you'll be an asset for us here at PSA?"

"I'm glad you asked. As you can see, I have extensive security-related experience."

"Uh huh."

Fry looks at the muscular man in front of him and then returns his attention to the listed work experience on the resume. It's short. It begins: "Hero, May 1997 to present." It then proceeds to list Captain Extraordinary's recent exploits.

"We're looking for people with good personal skills. Our employees are assigned to all sorts of companies and we have to be sure that any prospective hire can interact well with all types."

"Completely understand. I've worked with tons of people, usually the police. I'm good with kids too. There was a school bus incident a while back--"

"Right. I see that here. On the news too. What happened again? There was a runaway school bus?"

"A madman tampered with it. I had to deflect twelve oncoming cars before I could slow it down."

"But didn't you do that by throwing it into a lake? I remember seeing children crying on television."

"Yea," Captain Extraordinary says with a shrug, "I caught a lot of flack for that, but therapy never hurt anybody. At least they're safe."

"Sure. And this here about the militia compound?"

"They were holed up for two days before I got the call. Heavy arms fire. Kept the cops away every time they got close. I took care of it for them. Easy-peasy. As you can see, I am well-suited for this security gig."

"Well, our guards don't see that much action. To be honest with you, it can be pretty boring and we can't pay you much. In fact, half of them don't carry guns."

"No problem. I don't need one anyway. And being bored isn't an issue. To be honest with you also, I'm just looking for a paycheck." At that moment, his phone alerts him with a text message. He looks at it quickly. "Sorry, I'm gotta go. Duty calls."

Against his better judgment but imagining the publicity they could generate, Wallace says, "Mr. Extraordinary--may I call you Ken?" The muscle man nods. "Ken, I won't keep you. Why don't we set up another appointment and I'll try to get some other people to meet with you as well."

"Sounds great!" Captain Extraordinary flashes his front page smile.

"And Ken?"

"Yes?

"Maybe you should leave the tights at home next time."